You don't belong here. Who let you in?

A lot has been written and said about imposter syndrome. It can affect someone, no matter where they are in their career, no matter how successful they may be. It can affect both males and females, though I suspect that females - and particularly minority females - may feel it more profoundly. This is likely because it can be difficult to feel that you should be somewhere if you are the only woman - or worse, the only woman AND the only minority - at the table. In heavily male-dominated fields, this is especially true.

Feeling like an imposter can mean constantly worrying that at any moment, someone will realize, "wait a minute - you don't belong here. Who let you in?" Thankfully, and due to the many strong leaders who have stepped forward to address this issue, inclusivity and diversity in the workplace are on the rise.

I am happy to see that many companies are now demanding that their external counsel be staffed with diverse attorneys. This isn't just an effort in tokenism. We have come to the realization that diverse teams are simply better, for many reasons.

I recently attended a program called “Courageous Conversations,” hosted by the Maryland State Bar Association. One of the female attorneys noted that, surprisingly, the people in the legal profession that are the hardest on her are the other attorneys that look like her. In a sense, I think sometimes there is a feeling of wanting to protect someone else from having to experience the same adversity that you experienced. Being hard on someone may be their attempt to protect that person - by preparing them and forcing them to develop thick skin. But I don’t think this approach is the right approach, however well-intentioned. 

It is really easy to get discouraged when you feel shut out. When someone reaches out, it can make all the difference in the world. Actually, just tonight, before scheduling this post, someone did just this for me. I recently applied for a leadership position. I was not selected for this leadership position, and I was not surprised - I don’t yet have enough experience. I was completely candid about how difficult it is to break into these opportunities to get that necessary experience because they’re always filled by the same people. One of the women reached out to me to express that she appreciated how I felt about being closed out of opportunities, and the committee recognizes this problem. She wanted to reach out to encourage me and suggest people I could meet to put my name out there and get involved.

I was so grateful for that small touch. Just her reaching out was enough to shake off the discouragement I had felt. I won’t ever forget this lesson, and I will always try to reach out to those who may seem left out. I think this approach is the better approach. 

So while I may have a long way to go before I feel like I DO belong, in the meantime there are likeminded people who want to make a change, too. And when we reach those positions, we have to remember to help our successors get there, too.